ecovlke's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My Fourth Daughter My Fourth Daughter Today is the second anniversary of the passing of my fourth daughter. My wife and I were in Indianapolis, Indiana for the Eitlejorg Museum's annual Indian Art Market. It was my first time there, and I received a 1st Place Ribbon and a Best In Division award beating out several established artists. My sells were extremely good as well. My wife was almost six months pregnant, so we were on top of the world that weekend. She was experiencing a little discomfort that weekend, but nothing we thought too unusual. The market closed around 5 PM Sunday and we packed up and went back to the hotel. My wife's discomfort increased to a pain that night. We thought it was just false labor pains that commonly start around that time. She had been to the doctor the week before we left, and he okayed her for the trip. By early Monday morning she was in a lot of distress. We left Indianpolis around 6:30 AM Monday. I drove straight back to Tulsa, Oklahoma. We got home at about 4:30 PM, and she called her doctor. She talked to the nurse and she told her that maybe she was having a miscarriage and that there was nothing that they could do about it and to come to the office on Tuesday morning. My wife was sitting on the toilet crying and using the bathroom, and when she wiped, she felt something that she thought was the baby's head, but it was her water sack. We called the doctor back, and he told us to go to the hospital. I took her to the ER and got her checked in. I went to move the truck from the ER drive, and when I came back my wife was gone. I asked the ER clerk where she was, and the clerk told me that they took my wife straight to Labor and Delivery. Shocked and dazed, I finally found my way to the OB/GYN floor. My wife was placed in a labor room. Everything seems so surreal now as I recall these events as it did then. The doctor finally arrived and examined her. He gave us the news that she was in labor due to an incompetent cervix, and that he was calling in a specialist to see if they could reverse the situation by way of a cerclage. He explained that an incompetent cervix cannot really be detected until a loss occurs, but in some circumstances if found in an early enough stage that it can be repaired with a stitch to sew up the cervix. An incompetent cervix usually happens about the sixth month of pregnancy he further explained. The baby reaches a weight that the weak cervix cannot hold. The baby slides down into the cervix sending signals to the uterus that it is time to deliver. The specialist comes and examines her, but he cannot perform the procedure because there is not enough of a lip on the cervix to attach a stitch. We are then informed that my wife will have to go through full labor and delivery, but our baby will not survive. The doctor said the baby's lungs were not developed enough to survive, and if the pregnancy was just two weeks further along, that there was a slight possibility of survival. I started making phone calls to our families, and we prepared for a long night. My wife's sister came over to the hospital that night. I was sure that the doctor was wrong and that my wife was further along and that the baby would make it. I concentrated and prayed on this with all of my heart. At 12:05 AM on Tuesday June 27, 2000 our baby daughter was born. The doctor delivered our daughter and handed her to the nurse who started to suction out her little mouth, but the doctor stopped her. He said there was no need and to let her go peacefully. He then tended to delivering the placenta and sweeping my wife's uterus. After this, our daughter was handed to us wrapped in a little receiving blanket which swallowed her tiny body. I watched as she stretched her Indian heart. Her little heart beat continued on for several minutes until it finally ceased. She tried to breath several times, but with underdeveloped lungs, she got no results. She passed from this world into our ancestors' peacefully it seemed. I held her close to my wife as I could. We watched as her entire lifespan passed in my hands. Her glorious birth and untimely death all happened in a span of 10 minutes. She's the daughter that I spent the least amount of time with, but shared the most personal moments with. The nurse brought us a camera earlier that evening so we could take some pictures. She also left some things to give her a bath with. She told us to spend as much time as we wanted with her. I gave her a bath and put her baby lotion on her, making sure to keep her warm and comfortable. The little newborn cap that they give to new babies was too big for her little head, so we laid it beside her for the pictures I took. The nurses gave us a Memory Box to put all of her things in, and they took some professional newborn pictures for us as well in the nursery. Every one at the hospital was wonderful. As I left the hospital around 6:00 AM Tuesday morning, I decided that I wanted to give her a Creek name. I decided on Hotvle which is the Creek word for wind. As I walked out of the hospital, a wind blew across me and I said outloud "Hello baby." I knew that every time we felt the wind that it was our daughter saying hello and not to worry, and that she was always with us. She weighed 1 pound 2.7 ounces, and she was 11 1/2 inches. We have a wisp of her hair and her tiny footprints. There is a funeral home that offers free services, plot, casket, and liner for newborns who pass on. Her maternal grandmother bought her a beautiful grave marker and we found a tiny white doll dress to dress her in. We sent her off on her journey to the next world in Indian fashion, with her moccasins, sweetgrass, and her blanket. We also put some flowers and toys in for her to take on her journey east. At the funeral my good friend, the one I wrote about in the entry titled "Cv Hesse (My Friend)" from 5-14-2002, sang the Creek hymn "Heleluyv". Heleluyvn yvhikares, hele-heleluyvn, Heleluyvn yvhikares, hele-heleluyvn. Mekusapvlke mimvn vpokes hele-heleluyvn, Mekusapvlke mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn. Erkenvkvlke mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn, Erkenvkvlke mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn. Purvhvlke mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn, Purvhvlke mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn. Pucusvlke mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn, Pucusvlke mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn. Puwvntake mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn, Puwvntake mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn. Hopuetake mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn, Hopuetake mimvn vpokes, hele-heleluyvn. There's not a day that I don't think about her or my other children, and every time when I'm alone and think about her, I cry. 12:05 a.m. - 2002-06-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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